So for the aid of anyone who wants to have a basic understanding of what I'm going on about when I watch Masterchef, what anything I'm saying means, or where exactly I stand in terms of this particular television show. So I bring forth my own interpretation of the Masterchef top ten, in order to aid and update.
For those who don't watch this hilariously terrible, yet secretly brilliant show, there are three types of contestants: Obnoxious, terrible people; obnoxious, ridiculously unimportant people; and obnoxious, yet somewhat likable people. For easy access, this will be split up into contestant by contestant, to keep things clear.
Claire - belongs to the middle-of-the-road group. Had a career as a lawyer, decided it wasn't her "passion" (key phrase in the Masterchef world), entered Masterchef as a last resort. Cries a lot, is a moderately okay chef, goes all smiley and humble when she wins something, as if she doesn't know that all the chef's harbour secret "passion" for her. I used to like her a lot, but she's done the opposite of grow on me, like one of those bad haircuts that only gets worse with length...or something, end analogy. She'll probably win.
Sharnee - some random. No one really knows why exactly she's there. In fact, I have no idea what her backstory is, or what she wants out of life, though I'm guessing she has a "passion" for cooking and wants to be a chef. Does anyone really know why she's there? She'll probably win.
Aaron - a prick who wears ridiculous beanies. That's pretty much all there is to it. Is a bit of an arrogant douche, with the "a bit" part being dispensable in that statement. Spends most of his time being "witty" and "passionate". Wears a beanie to disguise his hilariously douchey long hair. Cooks pretty well, can't make pastry for shit. I like him more than I did originally, but not a great deal - his douchey beanie-ness kind of cancels out any of that liking, and therefore, he'll probably win.
Jonathan - I am captain of the Anti-Jonathan movement. Most people hated him for a while, and then got over it, but my hatred remains and I constantly insist on finding small ways of justifying it ("Oh, did you see the way he narrowed his eyes at Sharnee when she suggested that? What a prick."). Seems to enjoy using organs in his recipes - I suspect he has serial killer tendencies. Needs to shave his awful, awful beard. Has an annoying habit of being good at elimination challenges, leaving a trail of destruction behind him. If he wins, all hell will break loose But he will probably win, because that's the nature of life.
Joanne - If there was ever a more hated contestant on any show than her (and I am including every crazy ex-bachelor, Evil Russell from survivor, any one of the obnoxious crazies from Fear Factor, all of the douchey bimbos from Amazing Race...), I would be surprised. She should refrain from speaking. She wears too much make up, reminds us constantly of her "passion" and her family and how much she wants this. In reality, she's just a horrible person, whose voice annoys me. I'm sure she's lovely in person, but...well, it doesn't translate one. She's highly likely to win.
Adam - I almost forgot him. Of the the long haired men, I like him better. A contestant I don't particularly care about, unlikely to win. Currently holds an immunity pin, which is ridiculous, and is essentially stolen from Survivor. Enjoys Japanese cooking. Fulfils yet another of the shows stereotypes. Stereotypes are fun, frolic.
Callum - appears to not have reached puberty, despite being, what, eighteen? General consensus of the Masterchef audience is his being in a relationship with fellow contestant Matthew, yet as of the moment there are no pervy fanfictions floating around on the internet - someone needs to get on this. Enjoys cooking "creative" dishes. Should avoid this. Is subtly likable, despite his lisp and overall annoying-ness. Or maybe it's just me, because I'm sick of hearing everyone go "Oh, I do this all because of my family, they're my inspiration, etc".
Matthew - Pretty much the same goes as the aforementioned. Has no hope of winning, purely because he's somewhat likable, easy to make fun of, and actually capable of cooking things that don't involve pasta - don't ask him to cook pasta if you enjoy having teeth, apparently. Is apparently "creative". Whatever. Looks
Alvin - Partial to shnazzy glasses and Asian dishes. Cries a lot, is probably missing his BFF Skye. Makes ridiculous comments, is the token gay competitor (and yet, people seem to skip this fact over for the Matthew/Callum shenanigans).
Marion - Has no hope in hell of winning, because she's the most likable of a largely unlikable bunch. See, she can actually cook. Well. Joanne must be so jealous. Seems genuinely happy a lot of the time, which is a nice change. Wears ridiculously large necklaces and is also a fan shnazzy glasses. Makes really odd food. The show really isn't about food anymore, is it?
The fact that I have no life is relatively evident, but hey - I do what I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment