A rant about tweeting, Masterchef and the Courier-Mail

I'm really fired up tonight. I'm usually quite fired up, but I'm even more so than usual tonight (see, if you follow me on Twitter, you know this). As you all know, I'm an avid Masterchef tweeter. I'm snarky, there are people I would prefer stayed clear of my television (yeah, I said it). If you haven't already read it, I'd like to alert you to THIS. While it's an interesting read, thank you Karen Brooks, I've got to say, I take it personally.

I tweet without thinking. I bitch about peoples' appearances, about their cooking, their relationships, their sad attempts at "wit", their tendency to overwear ridiculous pink shirts/hideous beanies/far too much makeup etc. Sure, I can come across as nasty if you judged me off that alone, but amongst the people I write with, we all know that it's in good humour. If we've hurt feelings, I'd like to be notified. I'm more than willing to swallow my pride and apologise, but like hell will I censor what I'm writing because one particular person thinks I'm being "vicious" and "spiteful" and "exposing lashes of sexism, racism, size-ism, ageism and homophobia".

I happen to find the Masterchef feed on Twitter hilarious. Whoa, don't shoot me. I can't speak for the entire Masterchef-tweeting population, but please find me one instance of any one of those ism-s or phobias in one of my tweets that isn't in a joking manner. Sexism? Are you kidding? Racism, maybe in jest on the odd occasion, but I rarely refer to it. Size-ism? Never. Ageism? Are you high? Homophobia? Hell no! I tweet jokingly about gay relationships, but hell, I'm all for it. Don't go calling me homophobic. I'm a mad supporter of rights, gay, womens', everything. I might be vicious on the odd occasion, but it's heat of the moment viciousness, and if you want me to issue an apology on behalf of all of the terrible things I say, go ahead. I'll do it.

The article doesn't hesitate to comment on our "foul language" and "comments that have nothing to do with what's on screen". We're people. We judge. You sit at home and watch Masterchef, making witty yet controversial comments in your head, we write them down on a social networking site for the amusement of those who follow us. You want to criticise our language? Oh, because there's no swearing at all on Twitter for the duration of the time that doesn't include Masterchef. God forbid. Are you kidding? HAVE YOU STEPPED OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE IN THE LAST YEAR?

"The fact that these are real people being commented on, and in a public forum that their friends and family never mind children can access, escapes those posting or, worse, they don't care". My friends and family read my tweets. They laugh, they enjoy, they join in. Masterchef viewing has become a ritual in the circles I run in, and we find constant amusement in the next day debriefs. I post my thought the night before, instead of keeping the discussion within my friends the day after. Call me deluded, but I tend to think that people have come to accept, maybe even look forward to my Masterchef craziness. Children can access it? You don't think children say even worse things? I think our crudeness is pretty tame next to a twelve year old boy's idea of humour.

Apparently I'm a "bully and a coward" now, because I hide behind a false identity. Yeah, why don't you say that to my face and see who's a coward? But seriously, I'm not hiding behind a false identity. I keep my details private, but that's for security reasons, not because I'm scared of what people would do to me if they found out about my shocking tweets. And a BULLY? So, Karen Brooks, what about you? You are perfectly content to tell us that we're hurting the feelings of the oh-so-precious Masterchef contestants (who, might I add, signed up for this when they opted to be a part of a reality television show), and yet you're fine to hurt the feelings of, say, me, an emotionally fragile Masterchef tweeter? You've really hurt me, Karen. Don't think you'll be getting a Christmas card this year.

"It could be argued that this is a healthy outlet for what's a loathsome tendency of human nature." Hey, maybe it's good that we have a healthy outlet like this. While I object to that part of my nature being loathsome (again, Karen, why so mean? Couldn't have softened that up a bit?), would you rather we said all our crap and vented our rubbish on a platform like Twitter, or to you, on the street? To the contestant's faces? To each other? I mean, I think that would be fun, but maybe it's me. It's usually just me.

"But it's also an indication of how, when given the right forum and circumstances, the members of humanity won't necessarily defend each other on the contrary, they'll look for the weakest among them and attack in a pack" I really, really hate this. I think it's pretty self-explanatory why. It's derogatory to what I do, and I feel like I'm being compared to some form of predatory bird or something, but still, it's the 'picking on the weakest' idea that gets to me. I see your point, and raise you the fact that I actually pick on the stronger contestants - clearly, if they've got this far. Another thing I'd like to point out is that I admire all the contestants' cooking abilities. I'm jealous, actually, because as a chef, I'm pathetic. I can't heat up a pop tart without getting it stuck in the Toaster. I've admitted on many an occasion that I'm an extremely bitter person, so I think in a backwards way, the contestants should take this into account (are they offended). I'm bitter, twisted, envious and I think they've all done amazingly so far. Wait, I'm going to backtrack. Something in that last statement must have been sexist, racist, homophobic, offensive to minorities, or just plain rude.

Hey! "As one Tweet posted on Monday, when the site was overloaded because of the World Cup, said: ``I hope Twitter never goes down during MasterChef ever again, it was not quite as fun without the commentary of smart-arses the nation over.''" That tweet sure does look familiar. I'm pretty sure someone may have tweeted, that night that Twitter went down, that "Masterchef just wasn't as fun without the snarky @Sarkata or @benpobjie". Are you talking to me? I'm sure people said that a lot, but I'm going to go ahead and take offence. I feel like you're verging into the realms of taking it too far. However, I suppose I'm taking this too far now. I'm sorry. I promise I'm not that bad of a person. I might make ill-judged comments, try too hard to be witty, often make crude and immature comments and references, crack terrible puns and jokes, and occasionally just fade into being an extremely boring person, but I'm okay. I don't bitch too often, and I try to be the sane one when there's drama everywhere around me. I try to do the right thing. I wouldn't have a go at someone unless they had a go at me first. I might be opinionated, but I won't forced you to adopt my opinions - go ahead, have a varying opinion. Tolerance is what we aim for. I'm trying to spread some here. So...are you?

"It's like watching your favourite show with hundreds of other people only, in this case, you're glad most of them aren't in the room with you" On a different note to end this off, that's rubbish. I can imagine that a mass viewing of Masterchef with the rest of the people on the Masterchef twitter feed (those who aren't, of course, rapists, racists, homophobes, etc) would be one extremely hilarious gathering.

I know this has been one hell of a rant, but I was fired up, and I took extreme offence at that article. I didn't read The Courier Mail (which I keep typing as Male, on a random note), but I'm not going to start now. Actually, maybe I will. I want to see other opinions the author has - after all, it was an interesting read. She's probably quite acceptant of other things, I'm sure. I just think that there was a touch of hypocrisy, and I thought it was often unnecessarily snarky about the people who were supposed to be the nasty ones. Anyway, what's the world come to if we can't say things that are even the slightest bit controversial without coming under fire? Particularly on a social networking site, while having a laugh with some people we don't know, but who share the same views as us and who watch the same shows as us.

Update 22/6: And now on The Today Show with Carl and Lisa? You guys all suck, kind of. The kind of was just for politeness. It's REALITY TV. THERE WILL BE CONTESTANTS WE DISLIKE. I disliked Russell on Survivor and no one had a go at me for that. You guys need to be considerate that I am allowed an opinion, the internet will always be used to this, and you obviously don't understand anything mentioned in my above rant. That being said, I'm really offended I wasn't quoted. If you're going to go all out, do it, but quoting a facebook page? Facebook is tame and pedestrian. Sheesh.