One reason I can't live in Queensland

Caution: Yet another rant, and there's probably going to be some foul language. You know, if you're into that kind of thing.

Oh, shit. I'm sure you've heard of this by now (I'm extremely slow when it comes to venting my annoyance at news articles, have you noticed?), but apparently in Queensland as of the 18th of June or so, swearing is a big problem. So to cut down they've introduced a new ban, and along with it a fine - if you get caught swearing in public in Queensland, you could get slapped with a $100 to $300 fine on the spot. What? Swearing is...the Australian way, sometimes! Let's hope no one goes to a football game, or the outside of a school where frustrated parents hang out. Stay away from shops, plenty of swearing there, and definitely keep your heads out of pubs. Schoolies week? Hell no. I know a three year old child whose favourite movie is The Hangover (yeah, I know). If that kid grows up and moves to Queensland, he's in trouble. Well, allow me to tell you that my Summer holiday has now been cancelled. Me and my foul mouthed friends are going to stay well away.

Even though I really have no desires to go to Queensland - I've been heaps of times in the past, it's beautiful, nice beaches and all, good shopping, etc, etc - I actually take this matter quite close to heart, for a few reasons. My most major beef with it is that swearing is looked at as "inappropriate behaviour" in public. Silly politicians and police folk. I don't swear because I'm drunk, have a crap vocabularly or am too lazy to think of better ways to phrase things. I swear as a means of self-expression. I'll swear when I'm frustrated, but don't we all? I'll swear when my football team are doing rubbish, I'll swear with my friends at an extremely high rate because that's just what we do. I don't think my behaviour is inappropriate - I actually think my behaviour is quite reasonable, and like almost every other person I know. I understand the whole desire to rationalize this, but how do police justify dealing out a fine to someone like me when there are fifteen other people within a ten metre radius that swear equally as much in public as I do.

What even constitutes as swearing, nowadays? Do police officers have a checklist of offensive language that they can fine people for? Because I call things and people "bitches" all the time, but I think it's become such a common part of the usage of the English language that we've all been desensitized. "Bitch" doesn't register on my list of offensive words. And if you say, for instance, "fuck", can you get fined if you're using it in context? Is it still considered offensive? I say it a hell of a lot, to the point where it's just not a swear word in my dictionary (well, it is, but I'm very liberal with my use of swearing). Or are they going all old school with us? If I go to Queensland and tell someone to "piss off", am I going to cop a fine or just some nasty glares? If I refer to something as "shit", or use my current favourite word, "shitstorm", is that going to land me in court?

What I think they need to do is publish a list of words that count as offensive, and when they fine someone, they need to make it very clear what exactly they said wrong. This isn't because I swear so much that I would be confused as to why I'm being fined, but more because I've become so desensitized to some words that I honestly would not know I was swearing. I'd still probably not have figured out, even after the fine. That's just the culture I live in.

Look, I understand that it's not always pleasant to walk around and hear people swearing. I know I should be keeping my language cleaner, and using less offensive slang terms. I know I should probably indulge in actually using my vocabulary in conversations, but by force of habit, I can't. I swear, shoot me. A fine won't stop swearing, it will increase the dangerous appeal of swearing that has vanished along with our desensitization, and it'll making swearing something the cool kids do - you swear in public and get away with it? You legend! Or maybe we should all just do what my friend Liora has been doing for years, and go on a non-swearing kick (the girl says "fridge" and "fudge" so much that it just breaks my heart), and move to sunny Queensland, while everyone else moves down to the cool states that aren't opposed to your average language every once in a while.

Oh, fuck it. No way am I doing that.